Madeline, thank you for taking the time and for having the courage to share your story. I, too, have OCD; I’ve had it for 25+ years. I have a 4500-word article on the condition and on my life history with the disorder that I’ve been sitting on for a while now, unsure if/when I’m going to publish it. Although my struggles with the condition are different in some ways than yours, believe me when I say I understand what you’re going through, you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault.

After reading this piece, I suspect there are some deep-seated anxieties underlying your OCD, anxieties that likely go back much further than the six months during which time you’ve had OCD symptoms. Obsessions and compulsions are often the manifestations of other anxiety-related issues. Having said that, I’m no medical doctor; this is just what I’ve gleaned over the years from studying mental health, mental illness, and psychology and from dealing with my own physical and mental challenges.

The rational thinker in me wants to tell you all sorts of things to try to encourage you to reduce your worries; the OCD sufferer in me knows that lack of information is not the cause of the thinking and behaviour at the root of OCD. The only two pieces of advice I’d like to kindly suggest to you are:

• Try not to define yourself exclusively or even primarily in terms of your anxiety and OCD. You are not your anxiety. Although it might seem so at times, you are not helpless nor are you fully at the mercy of some condition over which you can exercise no control; and
• Try not to be too hard on yourself. I know how difficult it is to let go of the shame, embarrassment, and feelings of inferiority associated with mental illness, but, truly, nothing good will come from turning against yourself. You have enough to deal with as it is; you don’t need to pile more onto yourself, so to speak.

Stay strong. Feel free to reach out to me if you ever want to talk.